Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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