she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
