did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
