No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
