if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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