my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
