When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
