literally had 100 drinks last night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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