I'm drive I can fine osifer
Princesses don't give blow jobs
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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