Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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