Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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