Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
