I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
