I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
