Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
