Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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