dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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