Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
