just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
