he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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