i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
