Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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