You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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