She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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