Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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