who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
