hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
