would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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