There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
