me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
