i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
