is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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