is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
