Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
