She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
