My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
where are my eyebrows?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
