Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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