I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
time to smoke my breakfast
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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