Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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