also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
only you would photoshop your dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
