My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
