i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
