I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
