went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
