Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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