u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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