So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I lost the right to judge tonight
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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