You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
