To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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