This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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