Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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