well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
