from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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