U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
