you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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