am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
