This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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