your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
