Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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