my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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