put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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