I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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