happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
