I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
