People in love make me want to vomit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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