He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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