arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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