Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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