I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
