did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
