I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
