Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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