Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
