totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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