You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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