he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
