Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
