Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
