If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
