This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
