i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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